Cook: Chinese Noodle Salad

I read somewhere that there are only three things that would survive a nuclear holocaust: roaches, gonorrhea and Chinese noodles. I’m not sure what makes the first two unique (other than they are survivors), but I have to think the reason the noodles would survive is because they are overloaded with the unholiest ingredients known to man. There’s processed food and then there is Chinese […]


Food Flavored Song of the Day: Reload by Late Guest At the Party

My current obsession is Kaleisia Tea Lounge’s Matcha Limeade. This is a seasonal drink that has a bit of caffeine, sweet and sour all swirled together in a blissful mixture of summer coolness. I’ve heard all the comments about four dollar coffees that people love to make and a small version of this drink clocks in at three plus dollars. Because of that, I try […]


Food Flavored Song: Michelada by Cold Blood Club

It’s a bit hard for me to tell but I swear to god that Cold Blood Club’s new single “Michelada” drops the line “did someone spike your Jamaica” a number of times. If that’s the case, this track will easily become J-Fur’s new fav. Since her study abroad trip to Mexico, circa 2000, she has searched high and low for a version of Jamaica that […]


Listen: Covers by Beta Wolf and Femme, Originals by Action Item and Lyke Giants

In one hand I’ve got a pile of walnuts pretending to be taco meat. In the other I’ve got: Beta Wolf pretending to be the Pixies. Take the original, dial up the instrumental intensity, throw in a little bit of atmospheric vocals, add some emphasis to koi koi and you’ve got a tidy little 10,000 calorie salad as we wait for Beta Wolf’s main course. They have […]


Cook: Walnut “Taco” Salad

“A culinary creation that baffles the human mind. A 12,000 calorie salad.” -Bud Light Real Men of Genius Commercial You may remember from 1998 to 2008, Bud Light ran a series of commercials aimed at highlighting the men who work in overlooked professions or those who had out of the norm character traits. These included such important men as Mr. Paranoid of the Ocean Guy, […]


Four for the Fourth: The Tiki Terrier with Disco Fries, Beautiful Small Machines, Cold Beer & Broads and Creo

I’ve often wondered why the ladies haven’t come back with their own version of “Girls Gone Wild” to show that this conversation doesn’t have to be one sided. While perusing through the EBAY porn section last weekend, I thought I had finally found their response. Seems Holly Schmidt and Allan Penn, who I assumed were top notch wiener movie directors, had filmed a production called “Wieners Gone […]


Food Flavored Song: Sleep Forever by Black Honey

Numerous university articles, none of which I plan on finding and citing, show that the darker the honey the higher the concentration of antioxidants. It truly is the sweet taste of darkness. What does that mean about “Sleep Forever”, the new single from English band Black Honey? It means that after just a few listens your body will begin to delay cell damage. I should know. […]


Listen: Little Tastes Courtesy of White Arrows and Little May

While I tried to rid my refrigerator of unwanted condiments, here is what was playing through my speakers: When I think of tasting items, I usually am thinking about food. Not everyone shares this thought process though. Exhibit number one, White Arrows. With a new single titled “I Want A Taste”, it might be easy to assume they were referring to my latest kitchen creation. […]


Cook: Tomato, Gomasio and Arugula Mayo on Cibatta (AKA The Fine Art Sandwich)

Last weekend I opened my refrigerator and broke down crying. It was an absolute mess. My greatest piece of art, my life’s work, my version of the Mona Lisa was teetering on the edge of complete and utter ruin. Right then and there I took it upon myself to do something drastic. I began throwing out condiments. Anything over a year old hit the garbage can. […]