Replace the Brahms with the Limousines (huzzah! new album finished and rolling out soon). Turn the chili peppers and blue cheese into something like this. Make the whacking off something more mundane like grading papers. Now you’ve got a typical morning around these parts.

A brief album trailer the band has prepared for our enjoyment:

Mal Blum is a folk/punk singer-songwriter in the same vein as Amanda Palmer or Kimya Dawson. It is probably not an accident then that she has actually found herself alongside those two at different points in her touring career. She has also made headway across this vast land alongside Melissa Ferrick. But this post isn’t to name drop in order to make Mal sound cooler or more socially acceptable than she is. Nope, this post is about the tea. And the tempest. And Mal’s new album.

Tempest in a Teacup is nine tracks that have been arranged to showcase the whimsical nature of Mal’s music. From the opening travel number to the closing hallmark holiday and all the shitty parties and zombie bodies and New York hipster points in between, Mal says what she needs to in the most free spirited and fun way she knows how.  Sheath these lyrics in a melodic case and you’ve got Tempest in a Teacup.

I can’t say I completely understand. J-Fur, she’s probably all over this shit. She makes those weekly visits to our local tea lounge and knits hats and scarves and sweaters (ridiculous considering we live in Florida and never need the heavy stuff) just so she can sit and drink tea. I don’t find my way there until October because of the pumpkin offerings. It is then, and only then, drinking that fall brew as quickly as I can that I think I will completely understand what a Mal style whirlwind in a teacup is all about. Until then, I only nod my head and pretend.

I especially pretend to this:

Ten months ago I curled up on a sticky ass hammock and typed out the last few words of my interview with Canadian indie-dance band Fevers. They left me with this bit of foreshadowing: “New music coming soon-we promise.” I closed my computer, peeled myself from the hammock and headed into the house with pleasant thoughts of new Fevers’ songs dancing in my head. Days faded into weeks and months and I didn’t spare much thought to new music from the band. I mean their Passion is Dead EP still rattled around in my head without tedium and for three and a half minutes every other run I would beat the pavement to the title track when it came across my MP3 player.

But then tonight happened and all those pleasurable thoughts of new music came flooding back to me. I imagine it is similar to how zombie apocalypse songs flood Colin’s conscience but that’s a place I’ve never visited so I can’t be completely sure. A short little Facebook post by the band announced that the new music they promised ten months ago has finally arrived. I can’t say it resonates in the same way as the stronger tracks on their EP but then again it has only festered in my mind for twenty minutes while the other ones had many months of alone time. Check back in a year and I’ll let you know the final verdict.

Anyways, the new track is called “Dance, Cry, Dance.” I gave it the old two bean hash treatment.

Thanks to an intense head cold, I don’t remember too much about yesterday. The whole day felt like I was at a move theater, watching my life up on the big screen, more casual observer than particpant. I think at one point I observed myself running for 17 miles. At another I drifted from one hospital pavilion to another (four times over) in the company of a bunch of pregnant women. There may have been a moment or two where I was walking on all fours pulling third rank in a pack that included an arctic fox and a jaguar. As if that wasn’t crazy enough I’m pretty sure I remember J-Fur pretending to breastfeed someone named Mr. Poopypants.

Head colds and baby classes, gotta love them.

As part of Mr. Poopypants participation in our learning we invited him to stay for dinner (invited might not be the right word as he refused to leave until I gave him some food). I tried to shove a bowl of cereal into his hands and send him on his way but he saw the ingredients on my counter (buffalo sauce, portobello mushrooms, rice flour, almond milk) and said that he “wanted what I was having.” It was Buffalo Portobello sandwiches all around.

Buffalo Portobello Sandwich
(printable version)

-1 large portobello cap, sliced into strips
-corn starch (1/2 to 1 Tbs)
-few drops vegan milk
-flour (I used rice flour for a gluten free experience)
-salt and pepper
-hot sauce
-mixed greens
-bread
-canola oil (for frying)

1. Heat the canola oil in a cast iron skillet.

2. Place the flour in a bowl. In another bowl, mix the corn starch with vegan milk. You want enough liquid to create a cover for the flour to bind to. It should be a little bit thinner than paste. Shake off excess and dredge in flour. Carefully put the mushroom into the shimmering oil and heat until lightly browned. Use a spatula to flip the mushroom and brown the other side as well. Remove from the oil with a slotted spoon and place on a paper towel lined plate. Pat the mushroom dry. Repeat until all mushrooms slices have been used. Drain any excess oil from the skillet and return it to the stovetop.

3. Put the fried and patted dry mushrooms slices into a large metal bowl. Pour in the hot sauce and salt and pepper. Flip the mushrooms a few times until they are completely covered by sauce.

4. Pour the mushrooms and buffalo sauce back into the cast iron skillet. Heat until the sauce sticks to the mushrooms.

5. Toast two slices of bread. Top it with mixed greens and the buffalo mushrooms. Add celery and vegan blue cheese if you want (I didn’t). Give Mr. Poopypants the inferior ‘shrooms, you take the good ones.

An average buffalo mushroom sandwich, and there are many of those out there, remind me a lot of German techno. A really good version is more like a fine Croatian synth pop band. So where does my version fall? Well I paired it with HEMENDEX! I said HEMENDEX! You don’t know what that means? Oh…they are a Croatian synth pop band with a retro feel. HEMENDEX have been around for a bit…but not like this. They are a band that has experimented with some different sounds before finding one they like. Check out “Faith in War” and its B-side “Fight Against Nothing.”

 Taking the electronic and hyping it with a bit o’ atmosphere is London’s Waylayers. The band recently released their first single “S.O.S” from their upcoming EP Fault Lines. The band will be making the festival rounds this summer including stops at the Osfest Festival, How the Light Gets in Festival, Isle of Wight Festival, Beach Break Live Festival, Wickerman Festival, Kendal Calling Festival, Redfest and the Y Not Festival.

I took a walk late at night last weekend. I intended to escape the killer night lights that are all too prevalent in this part of the world. I walked to the point where the glow faded into faint slivers of paint in an otherwise pitch perfect sky. It is the point where a road drifts to nowhere. I thought I was alone. But tucked off in the back pasture, almost invisible to the naked eye, was a badly torn up van. I could see movements inside. I figured I should check things out, see if anyone was in distress. I approached out of sight, from the back corner. I got close enough to hear a scratchy male voice in stoned abandon say “My mom and I are different in a lot of ways. She doesn’t like Chinese mushrooms, I do.”

I stood there a bit perplexed. I know a bit about cooking and all and I had never heard of something called a Chinese mushroom. Not wanting to leave something like this alone I said as calmly as possible “Intruder alert. I couldn’t help but overhear something about Chinese mushrooms. What are those?”

The scratchy man started laughing uncontrollably. “Rendog (or Ren Dog or Ren Dawg or something I’m not even close to spelling correctly), I just thought of something really funny.” Rendog responded by laughing his ass off. Seeing it as a hopeless cause I continued my walk to nowhere and left Rendog and Stone Man to their own devices. I still don’t know what Chinese mushrooms, and may never, but I do have a good grasp on their Japanese counterparts. This is in large part to the Udon dish I made yesterday.

Udon Miso Soup
(printable version)

-fat Udon noodles, 12 ounces
-6 cups veggie broth
-2 Tbs. white miso
-2 Tbs. Bragg’s Liquid Aminos
-1 zucchini, sliced small and thin
-1o baby carrots, small and thin
-5 Shiitake Mushrooms, sliced thin
-large handful of spinach
-1 Tbs. sesame oil
-2 Tbs. sesame seeds
-1 cup broccoli, small and thin

1. Let’s not make this difficult: put it all in one big pot and cook everything for 10-15 minutes. Eat with chopsticks and fully engaged slurps.

This dish is about as far away from Cuba, Cigars and Crises as you can get. So the connection that it has with “Say I Will” by Cuban Cigar Crisis is not surface level. It isn’t based on the lyrics (I mean considering the line about eggs over easy this song would lyrically fit with breakfast). It has everything to do with the music. The light springy musical notes in this track are the bedrock that meshes everything together in musical harmony. In that same sense the light, springy broth in the soup is what binds all those ingredients together in utter edible harmony. Try it together, you won’t be disappointed (I think?):

Low Moon Low feels perfectly appropriate as this dish marked a sort of passing of the storm meal. With their new track being all about the “Calm Now” I can’t see any way not to associate the two. Despite the title, their debut track feels anything but calm. Distorted vocals that somewhere, sometime ran deep into the red is the first indicator that this calmness is but a fleeting thing. Fuzzed guitars only serve to drive the point further home. Think of the track sort of like the calmness you feel when someone screams in your ear while driving a stake deep into your eyeball. Hell this is like the music version of Breaking Bad. Low Moon Low, meet Walter White. The track becomes official on June 3rd.

Despite the sunniness and passing of the storm there is a bit of a dark undercurrent. Not all news can be good and sometimes the greatest days end with a rotten core. That’s why Emily Ann George (Em George)  finds her home in this post. Her single “Murderers on the Inside” blends the pop of Carole King and Etta James with the darkness of Leonard Cohen and literary lessons expelled by Allen Ginsberg, Truman Capote and Emily Bronte. The song is an exploration of abuse and the ignorance of those outside looking in and the desire for empty relationships instead of self exploration.

“I was just a kid when I found out how cruel the world could be faded pictures from forgotten times of endless misery. I lit a candle but I could not know why.”

-Dillinger Four (from their song “Hand Made Hard Times Handed Back”)

A few years back there was a kid I came to know through three second intervals in the school cafeteria. I would always see him sitting off by himself eating a bag of chips and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. We would look at each, he would smile and I would nod, and then we would move on with the rest of our day. One day it came to my attention that the boy was being made fun of because all he wanted to eat were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Other kids tried to get him to eat pizza or breadsticks or chicken nuggets but he never budged. So they taunted. And laughed.

When I set out to make a peanut butter sandwich the other night, desperate for something quick and easy, I wanted to make something that would make this kid proud. Something that would leave those bullies wishing they had their own sandwich. The menu at PBJ’s Grilled in Portland, Oregon gave me just wanted I wanted. Behold…peanut butter, granola, raisins, bananas and dairy free chocolate chips, grilled to a golden brown.

Eat that bullies.

Gold for the bread. Red for the raisins. Both Twice as Nice and Little Red Lung have sat in my inbox for two weeks. I am way behind on getting new music out there (I’ll catch up shortly). Twice as Nice is an Australian via LA production duo that remixed Sir Sly’s “Gold” into a vibed out jam sure to have you pining for the days of hummingbirds and cicadas.

Another remix of theirs that is making noise on Hypem lately is their version of “Overdose” by Little Daylight.

Little Red Lung is also an LA based band but their specialty is more avant indie, less remix (although I do wonder what avant indie remixes might sound like). Here’s my favorite track, “Inkblot”, off of their self-titled debut EP:

JAN – Work For The City from Enclaves Music on Vimeo.

JAN aka Kim Talon, of Los Angeles duo Eagle & Talon, is preparing for her debut solo album. The 12 track album was recorded under the hand of John Goodmanson (Blonde Redhead, the Gossip, Sleater-Kinney) last year in Seattle. It received a limited digital release last fall. The full release will take place next month (June 17th via Enclaves Music). Last week a video for the first single, “Work for the City”, was released. It finds JAN in a number of situations with hands incessantly groping at her trying to…well, I don’t know. I haven’t quite been able to figure out their purpose. The most memorable scene, for our blog purposes, was when JAN laid on the floor decked out in her sunglasses and tried to play with what appeared to be cubes of ham. Out of nowhere those hands, those damn annoying hands, came and started flinging her jenga styled ham to the ground. Perhaps they were just trying to make a chef’s salad?

I’ve mentioned Trang Viet on this blog a number of times before but have never done a proper review. I would say it is the Tampa restaurant I have frequented the most in my time here. This is in large part to the excellent food they have. The food is traditional home cooking styled Vietnamese with a touch of French influence.  What you won’t find here is amazing, vegetable based dishes. Most of what they serve from the vegan menu are meat replacements (made in house). I’ve tried nearly everything that interests me on their vegetarian/vegan menu. Some are better than others but I have never left disappointed.

Probably the coolest thing about Trang Viet is that on the second Saturday of each month they offer a vegan buffet. For a flat rate you get a soup, all you can eat entrees served from hot cases and a dessert. I had been planning for months to attend one of these vegan gatherings but always missed the date. In April I was finally able to make it and even after having eaten there 20-30 times in my life, I discovered something new.

To start the buffet, we were served a bowl of soup. It was a slightly spicy coconut tinged version with large chunks of carrots and fake meat chunks. I had never experienced one of their soups before and the smell of coconut left me a bit on edge. But a quick spoonful told me it would be good. In subsequent visits I have found myself scouring the soup and contemplating it. That’s how convincing this version was.

The Soup

Before the hot food cases came out, I placed an order for steamed buns. These buns are stuffed with imitation ham and they are one of my two appetizer go tos (the other would be the vegetable gyoza). These hot doughy pockets softly dissolve in your mouth leaving the onion and potato taste to linger behind. On this occasion I probably should’ve passed because the vegan buffet was very carb heavy. But, not knowing this, I enjoyed in ignorance.

The Steamed Bun

My ignorance came to a screeching halt when I saw the contents of those metal pans. There were fried rolls (can’t remember what season they came from), gyoza, noodle dishes, mixed rice, stuffed tomatoes and a mixed vegetable dish. D, who had ordered his typical dish because he was scared the buffet would have too many vegetables, would’ve been in heaven. As for me, my stomach was going to fill up quick. I made a mixed plate:

View One of the Mixed Plate

The Hello Fried Roll Shot

I begrudgingly planned on skipping dessert. I had barely survived one, yes ONE, mixed plate of food. But when I heard there was carrot cake, I took a breath and mustered up my last bit of strength. I grabbed a carrot cake and dug in wondering what a vegan version tasted like.

It was AMAZING. So much so that I tried to weasel a second piece but other suspicious vegans keep giving me “the look.” I finally gave up resigned to the fact that I wasn’t getting another one. At least not this time. (Since that visit I have ordered a carrot cake for dessert each time, you gotta enjoy it while you can).

If you are one of those people that base your reviews on the service then you will enjoy this place. I have never failed to get at least four jokes from the waiter as he is a friendly guy with a great sense of humor.

Check out Trang Viet Cuisine at 1542 E. Fowler Avenue.

Sam Vicari is a Chicago based artist who, like Trang Viet, keeps things simple. With a bit of an electric pulse, themes of heartbreak, alienation and Midwestern ennui run through Sam’s lyrics. But it isn’t the tear in year beer type stuff as Vicari also harnesses power pop sunshine hooks made famous by Pinkerton era Weezer. Sam’s second LP “Heart Explosion” is due out this summer. The title track can be streamed below:

May 6-10 marks teacher appreciation week. It is a week to sit back and reflect on your favorite teacher of the past and the lessons they taught you. For teachers, it is a chance to eat a bunch of carbs and candy. It is also a chance to dress like Cyndi Lauper, Magnum P.I or Charlie’s Angels and really freak your class out. So maybe every teacher isn’t celebrating by doing the latter, but at our school we are. The PTA dubbed Monday 90′s day. Everyone was encouraged to wear their flannel and Doc Martins and sing some Pearl Jam. Yesterday was all about the neon, leg warmers and big hair of the 80′s (more than one person was reprimanded for blasting Eddie Money too loud in the parking lot). The rest of the week counts down from the 70′s (today) to the 60′s (tomorrow) before finishing with the 50′s. Along with the dress up is a school wide trivia challenge built around each decade. Yesterday’s 80′s trivia served as a reminder of my childhood and all the things I had long since forgotten (ET and Pac Man). But the trivia piece buried deepest in my subconscious was the Wendy’s advertising campaign that asked “Where’s the Beef?” (which the kids in my classroom were surprisingly able to figure out).

For those who don’t remember (or are too young/old to know) the series of commercials featured an irascible old lady (played by the now deceased Clara Peller) who was served a large bun with a small patty. She searched for a customer service employee willing to answer “Where’s the Beef?” Over the course of a year Clara could be seen rushing a yacht, storming a drive thru and calling the customer line to inquire about the beef. Eventually she found it, in Prego Spaghetti Sauce, and was fired from her gig at Wendy’s. She was only allowed to find the beef in one place and, according to Wendy’s, she found it in the wrong one.

I talk about this commercial because it is the perfect lead in to what transpired in my kitchen last night. I removed the beef from a black pepper beef recipe and replaced it with tempeh. I then summoned Clara, via a medium, who upon spotting my dish launched into her signature line. I responded with something super interesting and creative but Clara, who was hard of hearing at the end, just kept saying “Huh?” over and over. Eventually I gave up, my retort flatter than a Big Bun Burger.

Black Pepper Tempeh and Green Cabbage
(printable version)

-canola oil
-4 garlic cloves, pressed
-8 ounces tempeh, cubed
-1/2 small head of green cabbage, shredded
-1 red bell pepper, cut into strips
-4 Tbs. soy sauce
-1 tsp. cornstarch
-1/2 cup water
-black pepper to taste
-1 cup brown rice

1. Heat the canola oil in wok with all ingredients cut and ready to go.

2. Drop in the garlic and saute for a quick five seconds. Add the tempeh and fry for 8 minutes, stirring every minute or so. Drop in the cabbage and red pepper and cook until the vegetables are tender.

3. Pour in the soy sauce. Mix the cornstarch and water and add that to the stir fry as well. Season everything with pepper. Cook until the sauce has thickened. Mix in the cup of rice adding more soy sauce if necessary. Loudly inquire “Where’s the tempeh?” before proceeding to eat this as rapidly as possible.

Not all surfers find it fun to play where the sharks roam. Some find challenge deep within the muck and mire of the swamps. The waves are smaller, the water murkier and the alligators…uh bigger. Snakes twice as long as surf boards may greet them with any wrong move. This breed of daredevil needs music all its own. The Beach Boys don’t matter much when a big ass snake wraps itself around your neck. The Money Go Round is here to fill any voids the Beach Boys can’t. They craft tunes specifically designed for swamp surfers. Throw in a bit of Psychedelia and you’ve got the latest four minute narrative told by the band. This short piece is entitled “Endless Sun.” Experience it both visually and sonically below:

The soulful experience of this dish is best replicated by the indie-folk tunes of Sons of the East. Created by smearing banjo, guitar, and beats effortlessly onto a blank canvas of countrified crooning, Sons of the East are like Australia’s version of Mumford & Sons. Because of that you might want to stand back a bit…the explosion might be inevitable:

Sons of the East-Hold On

I’m not much of a soda guy. I drink a can about every six months and usually it is because there is absolutely nothing else to drink wherever I am at (like hanging out with Africans in New Port Richey). My drinks of choices are water and the occasional Gatorade or Aloe Juice. When I was little, my drink of choice was easily milk. At birthday parties, while everyone else drank juice or soda, I would sneak off to the refrigerator and hope to god that the family throwing the party would have a carton (or jug) of skim milk sitting in there (hell, I even did two percent a couple times out of desperation). Milk became a celebration drink, especially when it was laced with chocolate. After every yard sale we hosted my mom would send me to the store with a dollar and I would pick up a carton of Harrisburg Dairies chocolate milk and a pack of baseball cards. This chocolate milk celebration stuck with me. In college as people around me partied with wine, beer, shots, I chugged chocolate milk. It was funny to my friends when someone suggested that I was so trashed because of how I was dancing or acting and wanted “what he’s drinking.” They wouldn’t even get carded for what was in my bottle.

I never got into other flavors of milk. The only one I ever recall coming into contact with was strawberry. It just wasn’t good. I’ve read stories about other people growing up on banana milk or orange milk or some other fruit flavored one and I am just amazed that none of those flavors ever penetrated central Pennsylvania (or North Carolina or Chicago or Florida). While shopping at a Whole Foods in Denver, I came across a flavor that wasn’t fruit. Root Beer milk. At first thought, it sounded disgusting. But as I pondered it more I began to formulate this idea that it was probably just like a root beer float. I didn’t buy any (I’ve quit drinking cow’s milk) but I was intrigued enough to keep it in the back of my mind. Eventually I did some research and found out that a lot of people remember root beer milk being served in their elementary school or daycare (thank goodness this isn’t a thing down here, I can’t imagine trying to deal with a bunch of third graders who were hyped up on root beer milk). On Cinco De Mayo I gave root beer milk a try. The recipe was a simple 3 parts almond milk, one part root beer. The verdict? Interesting. I’m not sure that I liked it, but I didn’t dislike it. The frothy burps that followed were certainly fun.

I’d bottle this drink along with “Homesick” by Catfish and the Bottlemen. This is the debut single from the band who has made a bit of a name for themselves by opening for the 1975 and being featured on Radio 1 as Zane Lowe’s next hype track. The band has more plans for this year including a second single that should be coming out this fall. They also have some May and June festival dates and one offs around England so if you are fortunate enough to reside there, see them live.